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"I just announced to my sister that I'm pregnant and she's jealous, what to do?" Our specialist, Sevan Bertaud, clinical psychologist in Paris, answers Sarah's question.
The answer of Sevan Bertaud, clinical psychologist in Paris
- Jealousy is wanting something that the other has and we do not have. Something we sometimes did not want. Just observe 2 young children at the nursery. There are 2 identical cars. If Tom takes one, then Jules will absolutely want that one and not another. The mechanism of envy creates jealousy but also allows to structure itself in relation to the other and its image.
- Every family story is unique. A pregnancy, even if it is a happy moment, can come to awaken in siblings childhood-related feelings and the primordial relationships of each child to the parents. What role does it give parents to be the first girl to be pregnant? A special place that can create envy for a sister who feels like the least loved of her parents. Similarly, if this sister does not have a spouse or if she does not manage to have a child and she encounters different stages of the long course of medical assistance to procreation. These are all elements that can feed his jealousy and prevent him from rejoicing in the pregnancy of his sister.
- The future mother must not feel guilty. But how to get out of this situation that can affect it deeply? Hard to see his own sister suffer. She can, if it is possible, to invest her with a particular role, to give her a singular place: to stamp with the parents at the time of delivery, to be the godmother ... without allowing her to overflow and replace herself. She is neither the mother nor the father of this child ... If, despite everything, the situation becomes too invasive for the future mother and prevents her from living harmoniously, she can talk to her midwife. or his doctor. They may advise him to discuss with a psychologist. Sometimes it may be a question of putting a little distance without creating the break. We can explain to her sister that we love her enormously, that we understand her, but that this situation parasitizes us and that we need to step back to prepare to become a mother and to welcome this child.
Interview by Frédérique Odasso
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